


Would make me whole

by elareine



Series: Advent Calendar 2019 [20]
Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Casual Sex, Dick Grayson-centric, Friends With Benefits, Insecurity, Introspection, Loneliness, Masturbation, Multi, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-22
Updated: 2019-12-22
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:08:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21902749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elareine/pseuds/elareine
Summary: After that first time, Jason had crawled over to Roy, collapsing on top of him and burying his face in his neck as Roy smoothed his hand over his shaking shoulders. Just watching them had felt like an intrusion, so Dick had quietly excused himself.Every time it happened since, they had been the ones to leave.
Relationships: Dick Grayson/Roy Harper/Jason Todd
Series: Advent Calendar 2019 [20]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1558834
Comments: 4
Kudos: 105





	Would make me whole

**Author's Note:**

> Advent calendar day twenty: "What you don't know" - Monrose.

_It’s just sex_ , Dick told himself. He had no business lying here, feeling lonely just ’cause Roy and Jason hadn’t come over tonight. 

For once, it wasn’t a nightmare that kept him up, just good old-fashioned restlessness. 

It wasn’t the heater, Dick knew. He’d already turned it all the way up. And it wasn’t the blankets or pillows, either. They were soft as always. It was just that he couldn’t help but notice how big his bed was, and how empty.

Maybe he just needed to get off. That was why they had started this whole affair, hadn’t they? Satisfy the urge. Well, Dick didn’t need them for that, or so he told himself. 

Shoving down his boxers unceremoniously, he palmed his cock. His mind conjured up the image of Jason stripping last night. His back had been to Dick, offering a view like no other. There were scars, yes; so, so many of them, so many signs of what Jason had survived, of how strong he was. 

With a sigh, Dick began stroking his cock, imagining the taste of that skin under his mouth. Roy would comment, he thought, telling them they were doing good. Jason always relaxed when he heard any scrap of praise, and Dick couldn’t help but melt along with him. 

(He had a lot of practice ignoring the voice in his head that chimed ‘daddy issues.’) 

Roy was always so generous with it, too; had been right from the beginning, that time he had basically shoved Jason at Dick and told them: “Just kiss already, the tension is getting unbearable.” 

Jason had tasted of coffee and mint that first time, Dick remembered. The whole time, Roy’s eyes had been on them. The first thing he said when they parted had been: “Fuck me, that was even hotter than I imagined.” 

Dick had grinned. “Oh, that can be arranged.” 

He still didn’t know how to describe the expression that came over their faces then. “Yeah?” Jason had asked. 

“Yeah. Yes. C’mon, it’s gonna be fun,” Dick had cajoled. There had been a stillness in the air, not at all in tune with the elation and playfulness he was suddenly filled with—they _wanted him_ —but then Roy had smiled. “Okay, let’s.” 

Dick’s joy hadn’t even lasted through the night. 

Sure, it had been some of the best sex of his life, with two of the hottest people he knew and trusted implicitly. The difference in how they touched each other and how they touched him had just been so apparent. Jay always seemed to hesitate with Dick, his touch gentler, less passionate than with Roy. Sure, Dick liked softness in bed, but he preferred not feeling like it was an imposition to touch him. 

And Roy barely touched Dick at all, clinging to Jay, instead, telling them what to do. 

He shouldn’t be surprised. Their reconciliation was still a recent thing. Just because he fell right back into old feelings with Roy, along with new ones for Jason, all that fondness and worry and exasperation and love mixing and swirling and lifting him up and pulling him down—just because Dick loved them, didn’t mean they felt anything like the same. It was just sex. Letting off some steam, satisfy some urges, then let them get back to being the adorable couple they were. 

…this wasn’t what he was meant to be thinking about. Determinedly, Dick picked up the pace again, running his thumb over the head of his cock and twisting at the base, just how he liked it. 

He tried to focus on the way Jason’s mouth had felt on his skin another night, not the way his eyes had turned away when Dick had called him ‘beautiful.’ Remembered how it felt to slide into Roy and forgot the restraint he’d needed not to kiss him. 

God, that night where he and Roy had teamed up to Jason until he practically begged them to come was one of the best of his life. Dick remembered his face, flushed and sweet with pleasure, and came.

It felt... good. Like a relief. For one glorious, glorious minute, Dick existed on a purely physical realm, letting the sensations wash over his body. 

Then the shivers began. Dick wrapped himself tightly in his blanket, then added another. In vain. 

After that first time, Jason had crawled over to Roy, collapsing on top of him and burying his face in his neck as Roy smoothed his hand over his shaking shoulders. Just watching them had felt like an intrusion, so Dick had quietly excused himself. 

Every time it happened since, they had been the ones to leave. Dick had hoped he could get at least some post-coital cuddles out of them, but no. The longest they had ever stayed after everyone orgasmed was fifteen minutes, and that had just been because Roy’s foot had fallen asleep. Dick clung to the memory of that time; tried to remember how it had felt to be surrounded by two bodies, hearing Jason’s laugh over his skin, Roy’s warm weight on his back. 

Gradually, the shivers died down. The cold remained. 

Goddammit. Dick had always known he wasn’t good at casual sex. Why the hell had he thought it would be different with Roy and Jason, of all people? 

Maybe it was time to acknowledge to himself that he would do anything that they asked of him. Not out of misplaced guilt, just because he wanted to make them happy. 

Perhaps it was time to tell them that. 

Now that he thought about it, Dick couldn’t remember ever discussing their relationship with them. They fell into bed together with increasing regularity, but they hadn’t _talked_. It was as if they were running from something, and no one wanted to look at what it was. 

Jason had trust issues and insecurities a mile wide. Roy didn’t deal with vulnerability well. If Dick started listing his own imperfections, he would sit here till morning. This whole thing just brought out the worst in them, didn’t it? 

But cowardice, he decided, had never been one of his faults. He owed this truth to them, and to himself. When morning came, he would call them. Have them over—not for sex, but for breakfast. Talk. _Try._

It’s as if his new resolve finally invited sleep in. Dick drifted off, embers of hope warming his chest. 

Tomorrow. 


End file.
